Either these kinds of book are the predictable result of a female who left the UK at the of 16 to travel around in Asia or this book is written by Mo Hayder who uses Lee Weeks as her nom de plume. I’ve finished this book and I would describe it as Mo Hayder for beginners.

This book is basically about the destruction of three Chinese cousins, how and why is not really explained. The sex and the violence aren’t as explicit as I can remember from the Mo Hayder books.  The main protagonist is a lot nicer and well liked by his environment. Inspector Mann is not a woman beater, his collegues don’t resent him for taking justice in his own hands even if that leads to an early retirement for his boss. He wears Armani, Valentino (right on an Inspectors salary), he sleeps with hookers but he doesn’t have to pay for it (because they have a thing for him).  He IS a disturberd person who will get more disturbed in each upcomming book.

Just like the other Mo Hayder books disfigurement is also present as  a theme in all it’s forms in the Trophy Taker, either induced by brute violence (standing on a landmine) or natural causes (maybe she is born with it, maybe it’s Diethylstilbestrol) and let’s not forget the type of disfigurement that is not visible (disturbed persons) they are also present.

What I missed in this book was why the perverts did what they did. Okay there were a lot of perverts in this book. One had the motive to make money and get more powerfull the other wanted to treat woman like his herd, he made them wear calfskin, he branded them and wanted to catch them with a lassoo. This thought doesn’t come even close to the reasoning behind what happened in Birdman in this book a dude decided to sew alive birds in corpses of your woman, that was so brilliant.

Sometimes when reading the “The Trophy Taker”  I got the feeling that this book was pointing a finger a the white rich people who travel to Asia to do the perverted things that would cause some serious jailtime in their own countries.

This book is the first in the “Inspector Mann” series, I am not a big fan of the series (Patricia Cornwell syndrome anyone?) but I will continue to read these.  Because the main antagonist “CK” will return, and I suspect that knows more about the death of Mann’s father plus I’m pretty sure that Mann will find out somewhere in the series that his father wasn’t the saint he thought him to be.

In my place  you will never – absolutely never – find pasta or those jars of chemically red pasta sauce. What you will find is rice lots of rice and some bags of Bulgur (mixed heritage FTW ). For the people who wonder wtf Bulgur is, just wait until a female celebrity who dresses as a poledancer and claims to be NOT a feminist () will be found eating it. Especially after the interview in Cosmo where she will claim to be naturally thin but she eats lots and lots of Bulgur. This way of living is of course enforced to her by a gay, Apple product-owning, unnaturally full-lipped, eyebrow plucked dietitian  When this dietitian appears on Oprah he will glowingly talk about Bulgur and all the good stuff it has. Then the Bulgur-on-the-go joints will pop up on every street corner

Wait this was a rant about Italian food

I hate Italian food I once dated a gay who loved it.  One of the major recurring arguments during this relationship was my refusal to go to Italian restaurants I am proud to say that I’ve never eaten one of his Italian dishes

A couple of weeks ago I passed an Italian Deli and decided that I shouldn’t be so mean to the Italians After all they do have Berlusconi who is successfully enforcing dictatorship while Italy has a membership in the EU

I went in the deli and decided to buy some small oval shaped breads They looked nice the dude behind the counter told me they were on sale. When I had to pay I thought I would faint on the spot when I heard the price. These two breads each the size of the cover of an XBOX and the height of 6 XBOX games stacked together were costing 9 dollars each, yes people 9 dollars I was so stunned, I just paid

This morning when I was fumbling around in my freezer these two breads stared back at me. I wondered what to do with them, maybe I could coat them with something so that they wouldn’t rot. I could wear them as hats or decorate my garden with them. For the latter, I would need a garden first though

You know what the sad thing about all of this is? I’m jobless right now and have hardly any reserves, I can’t afford to be spending 18 dollars on shitty Italian bread 

I can read books in 3 languages, when I feel like bragging I say that I can do it in 4. But in all honesty I have lost the ability of reading in that fourth language a long time ago I like to read my books in the original language they are written it. Nine out of 10 books I read are in English.  When hobbling around in the library in the English section I just pick a book that is in my genre, I can never tell by the name if it is written by an American, Irish, Australian or an English person. But when I get angrier and angrier while reading I always think “Let me guess this MUST be written by an American!”  and then I look up the bio in the book or I check the internet to see if I’m right. Most of the time I am

Yesterday, I picked up “The Trophy Taker” by Lee Weeks.  On the cover of the book it says “The Female James Patterson” while reading this I thought, ‘what an insult’  I read the first chapter and that made me drool Then I read the second chapter and thought at page 8 “Let me guess this MUST written by an American!”.  While reading the second chapter I could see the camera taking those fast paced shots which I  see in certain movies and certain “critically acclaimed” HBO series (I don’t know the right technical term, but it looks like the cameraman is in a rollercoaster and lost control of his camera ).  Plus it had the right stuff for a “critically acclaimed  series”, like  seasoned cops and a rookie who is on his first case and immediately gets nicknamed “Shrimp” etc. etc.. I frantically started to look for the bio and there my friends I got a shock, I was WRONG Lee Weeks is a British writer. While reading her bio I noticed that she leads a life similar to Mo Hayder – a bit too similar Leaving the UK at the age of 16, travelling around in Asia living in Hong Kong. Having all kind of odd jobs, the only job Lee Weeks didn’t have and which Mo Hayder did was being a hostess. Which in all countries (except the one I’m currently living in) means that you are a whore

Since I don’t have internet at home I had to wait till the next day to Google like  mad to find rumours as to whether Mo Hayder’s pen name is Lee Weeks or not.  I continued to read the book and somewhere around page 120 I noticed that I was inside the book. I didn’t see camera angles, and I didn’t see which current hotshot actor this character this written to No people I was reading a book!

I think being the new Mo Hayder would have been a better compliment then being “The female James Patterson” but then again that would be an odd compliment to give if this is Mo Hayder’s alter ego, isn’t it? If it is her I wonder why she is doing this I know it has been awfully  quiet after Mo Hayder wrote Pig Island but “The Trophy Taker” has Mo Hayder signature all over it It’s a bit sad that I don’t even have enough internet time to check if the Lee Weeks books fit in the time period between Pig Island and Skin

Wear glasses in the library.
Last Friday I decided to pick up a book by Ira Levin. With the upcoming mass murder I mean mass vaccination, I thought it would be nice to read that book about Chip who gets a daily pill or injection. I am not sure why that was but I think it was about trying to stay “perfect” in a “perfect”  world “There will be no more sadness, no more anger, no more envy!”.

While trying to find out what the title of this book was, I was thinking of what an efficient and low cost way mass vaccination could be to commit genocide. No need for concentration camps NO MOAR! Let’s just say those damn Asians piss you off with their so called up and coming economy and thinking they can take over the world (yeah right!).  Just say that you find the cure for lactose intolerance - all they have to do is take an injection full of nano stuff that influences the DNA or something like that.  Have all those rice eaters in a nice row and inject them on by one.  The  corpses you can put on a conveyor belt which leads to a  gigantic grinder and then have that stuff fabricated into Soylent Green! See no need for mass graves either!

While thinking these happy thoughts, I found the title of the book and discovered that Chip critiqued the UNI which probably means that the world has turned into one totalitarian state. This made the book more relevant to me because right now there are rumours going around about the new possible President of Europe (when the fuck did that happen?). And I was already wondering when my passport would say U.N.E (see also three letters, another relevancy!) United Nations of Europe.

As you can understand my eagerness for reading this book grew, only to find out that the library didn’t own this book. Man I thought I would explode right there and then.  They had some books by Ira Levin but not this one. I decided to pick up another book by him.  I found the title rather interesting ”Solomon vs Law”.  I was thinking nice, the son of David trying to fight a big settled institution like the law.

When I came home, I noticed that the book title was “Solomon vs Lord” (how fucking pretentious) and the writer Paul Levine! Obviously anger and having bad eyesight don’t mix too well.

At page four of this book I’ve read a way too much about the two main characters:

He’s 35 years old, good looking, an overly confident lawyer. He is not only an annoying smart ass but he thinks she is hot and he’ll get her.

She’s a 28 year old, beautiful, Prada wearing prosecutor. She thinks he is a pig.

I’m a pissed off reader whose blood started to boil at page 2 and wonders at what page these two are going to fuck . Who at page 4 realised there would be no explicit violence and gore Mo Hayder style and hoped that explicit sex would make up for it.  And who while hoping this, continued to read this soul draining and mind numbing book.

At page 80, I had to control myself from not throwing up because of what I’ve learned about these characters.

Solomon looks tough on the outside but is really a softy and he is poor. There are plenty of excuses for his downright bullying behaviour. His father is an almost indicted ex-judge who never fails to point all his sons failures, his sister is a dopehead who shitted out a retarded son. He decided to take care of his autistic nephew. Every time he brings a woman home they always run away after they have seen the litter retard. And all he wants is a loving and understanding woman. The thing here is he only took over care of his nephew 10 months ago, so I quite miss why he had to treat women like shit before that (then again I’m a HALO fan, what would I know).  Everyone around him tells him that Lord is way out of his league.  All these are obviously reasons to belittle, humiliate and make Lord lose her job. Of course if I could bring myself to continue to read this piece of shit, I could read all about how Lord is going to be understanding and forgiving.

Lord comes from old money and went to Ivy League universities. Her mom had probably more mink coats than orgasms.  Lord is determined not to become like her mom. But still, she is engaged to dull but caring and very rich Bruce. Who instead of fucking her brains out makes her 100 % vegan salads for lunch. At page 80 it became clear to me that for a long time Lord is going to argue with Solomon while wondering deep inside whether or not she is making the biggest mistake of her life by marrying Mr. Dull and maybe this one time she should listen to her heart.

When I learned all this shit, I decided to look for the explicit sex paragraphs. The first time Lord and Solomon have sex is on page 397!!!!!! The book has 546 pages for fucks sake. I wasn’t really  surprised when the sex turned out to be Harlequin approved.  It even had the part of that sex with Lord for Solomon was something entirely different and he just didn’t understand what it was.

I think Paul Levin with his fetish for single strap high heels (yes it’s that obvious sonny boy) should continue to write under the nom de plume of “Rosalynn Dovewings” for Harlequin and his editor there should downsize the crap he writes to 250 pages.

A reader sent me an e-mail, the reason why the reader sent me one instead of leaving a comment on my BLOG was because he didn’t want to embarrass me on my own BLOG.  Now, isn’t that nice! He pointed out in his e-mail that I’ve made quite a mistake, The Running Man as the picture clearly states on my BLOG is not written by Stephen King but by Richard Bachman…….

I thanked him profoundly and as a reward I promised I would post a link on my BLOG, here it is just for you

HERE LET ME GOOGLE THAT FOR YOU!

Retard
(You were expecting a link to your shitty blog weren’t you)