I can read books in 3 languages, when I feel like bragging I say that I can do that in 4. But in all honesty I have lost the ability of reading in that fourth language a long time ago I like to read my books in the original language they are written it. Nine out of 10 books I read are in English.  When hobbling around in the library in the English section I just pick a book that is in my genre, I can never tell by the name if is written by an American, Irish, Australion or an English person. But when I get angrier and angrier while reading I always think “Let me guess this MUST be written by an American!”  an then I look up the bio in the book or I check the internet to see if I’m right. Most of the time I am

Yesterday, I picked up “The Trophy Taker” by Lee Weeks on the cover on the book it says “The Female James Patterson” while reading this I thought what an insult I read the first chapter and that made me drool Then I read the second chapter and thought at page 8 “Let me guess this MUST written by an American!”.  While reading the second chapter I could see the camera taking those fast paced shots which I  see in certian movies and certain “critically aclaimed” HBO series (I don’t know the right technical term, but it looks like the cameraman is in a rollercoaster and lost control of his camera ).  Plus it had the right stuff for a “critcally aclaimed serie” like  some seasoned cops and a rookie who is on his first case and immediately gets nick named “Shrimp” etc. etc.. I frantically started to look for the bio and there my friends I got a shock, I was WRONG Lee Weeks is a Brittish writer, while reading her bio I noticed that she lead a similar life as Mo Hayder a bit too similar Leaving the UK at the age of 16, travelling around in Asia living in Hong Kong. Having all kind of odd jobs, the only job Lee Weeks didn’t had and which Mo Hayder did had was being a hostess. Which in all countries (except the one I’m currently living in) means that you are a whore

Since I don’t have internet at home I had to wait till the next day to Google like  mad to find rumours wether Mo Hayders penn name is Lee Weeks or not.  I continued to read the book and somewhere around page 120 I noticed that I was inside the book. I didn’t see camera angles, I didn’t see too which current hotshot actor this character this written to No people I was reading a book!

I think being the new Mo Hayder would have been a better compliment then being “The female James Patterson” but then again that would be an odd compliment to give if this is Mo Hayder’s alter ego, isn’t it? If it is her I wonder why she is doing this I know it has been awfully  quiet after Mo Hayder wrote Pig Island but “The Tropy Taker” has Mo Hayder signature all over it It’s a bit said that I don’t even have enough internet time to check if the Lee Weeks books fit in the time period between Pig Island and Skin

Wear glasses in the library.
Last Friday I decided to pick up a book by Ira Levin. With the upcoming mass murder I mean mass vaccination, I thought it would be nice to read that book about Chip who gets a daily pill or injection. I am not sure why that was but I think it was about trying to stay “perfect” in a “perfect”  world “There will be no more sadness, no more anger, no more envy!”.

While trying to find out what the title of this book was, I was thinking of what an efficient and low cost way mass vaccination could be to commit genocide. No need for concentration camps NO MOAR! Let’s just say those damn Asians piss you off with their so called up and coming economy and thinking they can take over the world (yeah right!).  Just say that you find the cure for lactose intolerance - all they have to do is take an injection full of nano stuff that influences the DNA or something like that.  Have all those rice eaters in a nice row and inject them on by one.  The  corpses you can put on a conveyor belt which leads to a  gigantic grinder and then have that stuff fabricated into Soylent Green! See no need for mass graves either!

While thinking these happy thoughts, I found the title of the book and discovered that Chip critiqued the UNI which probably means that the world has turned into one totalitarian state. This made the book more relevant to me because right now there are rumours going around about the new possible President of Europe (when the fuck did that happen?). And I was already wondering when my passport would say U.N.E (see also three letters, another relevancy!) United Nations of Europe.

As you can understand my eagerness for reading this book grew, only to find out that the library didn’t own this book. Man I thought I would explode right there and then.  They had some books by Ira Levin but not this one. I decided to pick up another book by him.  I found the title rather interesting ”Solomon vs Law”.  I was thinking nice, the son of David trying to fight a big settled institution like the law.

When I came home, I noticed that the book title was “Solomon vs Lord” (how fucking pretentious) and the writer Paul Levine! Obviously anger and having bad eyesight don’t mix too well.

At page four of this book I’ve read a way too much about the two main characters:

He’s 35 years old, good looking, an overly confident lawyer. He is not only an annoying smart ass but he thinks she is hot and he’ll get her.

She’s a 28 year old, beautiful, Prada wearing prosecutor. She thinks he is a pig.

I’m a pissed off reader whose blood started to boil at page 2 and wonders at what page these two are going to fuck . Who at page 4 realised there would be no explicit violence and gore Mo Hayder style and hoped that explicit sex would make up for it.  And who while hoping this, continued to read this soul draining and mind numbing book.

At page 80, I had to control myself from not throwing up because of what I’ve learned about these characters.

Solomon looks tough on the outside but is really a softy and he is poor. There are plenty of excuses for his downright bullying behaviour. His father is an almost indicted ex-judge who never fails to point all his sons failures, his sister is a dopehead who shitted out a retarded son. He decided to take care of his autistic nephew. Every time he brings a woman home they always run away after they have seen the litter retard. And all he wants is a loving and understanding woman. The thing here is he only took over care of his nephew 10 months ago, so I quite miss why he had to treat women like shit before that (then again I’m a HALO fan, what would I know).  Everyone around him tells him that Lord is way out of his league.  All these are obviously reasons to belittle, humiliate and make Lord lose her job. Of course if I could bring myself to continue to read this piece of shit, I could read all about how Lord is going to be understanding and forgiving.

Lord comes from old money and went to Ivy League universities. Her mom had probably more mink coats than orgasms.  Lord is determined not to become like her mom. But still, she is engaged to dull but caring and very rich Bruce. Who instead of fucking her brains out makes her 100 % vegan salads for lunch. At page 80 it became clear to me that for a long time Lord is going to argue with Solomon while wondering deep inside whether or not she is making the biggest mistake of her life by marrying Mr. Dull and maybe this one time she should listen to her heart.

When I learned all this shit, I decided to look for the explicit sex paragraphs. The first time Lord and Solomon have sex is on page 397!!!!!! The book has 546 pages for fucks sake. I wasn’t really  surprised when the sex turned out to be Harlequin approved.  It even had the part of that sex with Lord for Solomon was something entirely different and he just didn’t understand what it was.

I think Paul Levin with his fetish for single strap high heels (yes it’s that obvious sonny boy) should continue to write under the nom de plume of “Rosalynn Dovewings” for Harlequin and his editor there should downsize the crap he writes to 250 pages.

A reader sent me an e-mail, the reason why the reader sent me one instead of leaving a comment on my BLOG was because he didn’t want to embarrass me on my own BLOG.  Now, isn’t that nice! He pointed out in his e-mail that I’ve made quite a mistake, The Running Man as the picture clearly states on my BLOG is not written by Stephen King but by Richard Bachman…….

I thanked him profoundly and as a reward I promised I would post a link on my BLOG, here it is just for you

HERE LET ME GOOGLE THAT FOR YOU!

Retard
(You were expecting a link to your shitty blog weren’t you)

Before a post gets on this BLOG I almost always write it down in a notebook. This means that I sometimes don’t post the stuff on here. Today I’ve decided to revive post a post I dismissed.

I heard on the news that the Times is looking into Mr. Gore’s investments, it seems that he has invested in environmental friendly companies.  So the harder Gore shouts that we should save earth the more his stocks rise in value. Gore’s explanation for this is that he puts his money where his mouth is I call it a conflict of interest. Boy, the name The Age of  Stupid is so well chosen, the joke is on us people, it is on us

Here is the dismissed post:

Thinking of Timelines

The other day dairmuid sent me an e-mail asking me something about The Running Man. Since I read this book long before HALO became a part of my life I decided to check Wikipedia. There I discovered I wasn’t talking too much shit The Running Man could be a prequel to The Age of Stupid it seems. Since this book takes place in 2025, yes the book, I am talking about the book.  Don’t watch the movie. I know saying “the book is better” sounds like the same fanboy talk about XBOX (!) and the PS3 (= for gays ). But even Stephen King said that movie doesn’t do the book justice at all. Plus, who wants to see Arnold Schwarzenegger in yellow spandex So read the book.

This is what happens if we continue to allow bankers to have bonuses after they have been saved with taxpayers money and follow Al Gore as meek sheep and let him start Das Vierte Reich:

I would like you to know that this book was written well before Al Gore even studied Goebbels and his propaganda methods.

This is what happens 25 years later when the poor finally unite and stand up and destroy Das Vierte Reich :

BTW, I wouldn’t be surprised if Al Gore conveniently forgot to calculate the effects of the electric car into this movie A product that has been on the drawing table long before Al Gore woke up and realised the cold hard truth – he would never become President of the US

Yes, who would have thought that I would own a teddy I’ve had it longer then I’m willing to admit here. It never had a proper place in my house, it’s always somewhere under  my bed, in the hall,  sometimes under my desk so I could use it as a footwarmer.  I never sleep with my teddy though, I am way to tough for that

Last Saturday I was packing my suitcase when I saw Pablo lying behind the heater and on a whim I packed him too In the hotel I grabbed only the necessities out of my suitcase and I threw him on the floor and kicked him out of the way. Even though I only took necessities out of my suitcase, still on Sunday morning I closed the door leaving a total mess behind me When I came back to do my stuffies before dinner, my hotel room had been cleaned and I found Pablo on my made up bed, tucked in with care